Can Long-Distance Relationships Succeed? Dr. Sara Kuburic Shares Insights

Understanding the Challenges of Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships can be a complex and emotionally challenging experience. While they are not impossible, they require a unique set of strategies and mindset to maintain a healthy connection. Dr. Sara Kuburic, an existential psychotherapist and author of "It's On Me," emphasizes that these relationships demand extra intention and effort.

One of the most important aspects of maintaining a long-distance relationship is setting clear expectations. Vague plans like "next month" or "sometime after Christmas" can lead to anxiety and uncertainty. Instead, couples should aim for specific dates and times when they will reunite. This clarity helps create a sense of security and structure, which is essential for emotional well-being.

Another key strategy is to avoid putting your life on hold while apart. It's easy to feel stuck in limbo, waiting for the next visit or hoping for a move. However, it's crucial to continue investing in personal growth, hobbies, and friendships. Building a fulfilling life on your own ensures that you remain a complete and independent individual, which can reduce pressure on your partner to be your sole source of happiness.

Dr. Kuburic also recommends finding creative ways to stay connected. Even though physical presence is limited, couples can maintain emotional and intellectual intimacy through calls, texts, and voice memos. Writing handwritten letters, sending photos, or reading the same book together can help keep the connection strong. Additionally, maintaining a sexual connection is possible with open communication about comfort levels and needs.

Navigating Responsibility and Apologies

Taking responsibility for one's actions is a vital part of any relationship. However, it's equally important to recognize when you're taking on blame that doesn't belong to you. Dr. Kuburic suggests that the best way to avoid this is by first taking responsibility for what is truly your fault. By acknowledging your role in a situation, you can de-escalate tension and encourage your partner to do the same.

Apologies should be rooted in self-awareness and accountability. They should not just be used to return things to normal but should be followed by meaningful changes in behavior. People often apologize without fully understanding their part in a conflict, which can reinforce unhealthy patterns over time.

If you find yourself apologizing for something that isn't your fault, it's worth reflecting on why this happens. Ask yourself: Where did I learn to do this? What beliefs do I hold about myself or relationships that contribute to this pattern? Understanding these underlying factors can help you break free from unproductive behaviors.

It's important to note that this advice does not apply to abusive relationships where safety may be at risk. In such cases, prioritizing your well-being is essential.

Reevaluating Long-Time Friendships

Friendships can evolve over time, and it's not uncommon for people to grow apart. Dr. Kuburic encourages individuals to reevaluate their friendships and consider whether they still align with who they are now. Friendships are not permanent commitments; they are dynamic relationships that require mutual respect and understanding.

If a friendship no longer meets your needs or supports your growth, it may be necessary to end it or renegotiate the terms of the relationship. Acknowledge where you've grown apart, recognize where your needs are not being met, and decide how the friendship can change to honor yourself while preserving the connection if possible.

Dr. Kuburic also reminds readers that it's okay to let go of friendships if they are no longer beneficial. Sometimes, we expect too much from others, and it's important to remember that it's not their job to meet every need we have.

Additional Resources and Support

For those experiencing domestic violence, support is available. In Connecticut, call CTSafeConnect at (888) 774-2900. Those outside of Connecticut can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.

This column provides general advice for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care.

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