Tired of Feeling Guilty for My Morning Routine

Morning Rituals and the Pressure of Self-Improvement

Every morning, I start my day by reflecting on what I’m grateful for. This practice helps me focus on the positive aspects of my life and sets a tone of appreciation. I usually think of three small things that bring me joy, like the fact that my children slept in or a cozy moment with my cat. These moments remind me of the simple pleasures that often go unnoticed.

After this gratitude reflection, I set my intentions for the day. This might be a single word that represents how I want to approach the day, such as “curiosity” or “focus.” It serves as a reminder to stay grounded and centered amidst the daily chaos.

Before diving into my day, I take a few minutes to stretch and then jump in the shower. I make a conscious effort not to check my phone until at least half an hour after waking up. This routine has become a part of my daily life, and it’s something I find both sustainable and beneficial. It leaves me feeling calm and prepared for the day ahead—though the school run can sometimes test that sense of peace!

However, when I look at social media, it’s clear that my routine is far from the norm. Some people have routines that seem almost extreme. For instance, there’s an influencer named Ashton Hall who gained attention for his five-hour morning routine. His day starts at 3:50 am, involving a series of activities like press-ups, journaling, and even using a banana skin for a facial. While many followers seem to admire his dedication, I find it overwhelming and unrealistic.

This kind of routine creates a pressure to conform to a certain standard, which can lead to a culture of toxic productivity. The hashtag #selfcare alone has millions of posts, showcasing a wide range of practices from meditation to matcha lattes. However, not all of these practices are genuine self-care; they can often feel more like performances than true wellbeing.

The self-improvement industry has grown significantly, reaching $6.3 trillion as of 2023. Social media plays a crucial role in shaping how we perceive self-care today. Wellness influencers often present curated routines as essential for happiness, creating a distorted view of what self-care should look like.

During the pandemic, there was a trend where people were encouraged to learn new languages, start businesses, and document their progress. Many felt pressured to keep up with these trends, leading to feelings of inadequacy if they couldn’t meet those expectations.

As a psychologist, I understand the value of personal development, but when self-care becomes another item on a to-do list, it can spiral into toxic productivity. What should be about mental health maintenance can turn into another form of achievement culture.

It’s important to remember that the images we see online don’t tell the whole story. They often omit the financial and time costs involved in maintaining these elaborate lifestyles. Real self-care is often simple and unglamorous, yet it's incredibly effective.

Some warning signs that you might be taking on too much include feeling guilty when resting, judging yourself harshly for not improving quickly, or being overwhelmed by your own expectations. If your self-care practices are creating more stress than relief, it might be time to reassess.

True self-improvement isn't about becoming a different person; it's about becoming more of yourself without the pressure to document every step or purchase your way to wellness. We all need to remember that we’re a work in progress and that growth is a continuous journey.

You don’t need to get up at 5 am to be productive, but if it works for you, great. You don’t need to keep up with every trend or challenge on social media to look after yourself. Just pay attention to your own individual needs and foundational self-care: sleep, nutrition, movement, and connection.

I’m not suggesting we abandon self-improvement entirely, but we do need to return it to its original purpose. Perhaps the most radical act of self-care we can all do is simply believing we are enough, exactly as we are, right now.