Good Leadership Advice Becomes Yours

Understanding the Challenge of Changing Leadership Habits

Leadership is often viewed as a set of skills and behaviors that can be easily adopted. However, the reality is far more complex. The advice given by the podcaster—“The strongest leaders aren’t in control. They’re in demand”—might sound compelling, but it doesn’t automatically translate into action. Many leaders find themselves struggling to implement such ideas because they are deeply embedded in long-standing patterns of behavior.

This challenge isn’t just about learning new techniques; it’s about confronting the systems and habits that have shaped how you lead over the years. According to ACT Leadership, a leadership coaching company partnered with Brown University’s School of Professional Studies, change requires more than just good intentions. It demands a deep understanding of the internal and external systems that reinforce existing behaviors.

Why Change Feels Like Swimming Upstream

Neuroscience reveals that our brains are wired to resist change. The basal ganglia, the part of the brain responsible for habit formation, becomes active even when we’re not actively thinking about it. This means that old patterns of behavior are reinforced without conscious effort. When pressure arises, these habits tend to resurface, making it difficult to maintain new ways of leading.

Moreover, the people around us are accustomed to relating to us in specific ways. If you’ve built a reputation as someone who takes charge, others may expect you to continue doing so. This creates a dynamic that can be hard to break. The idea that “strong leaders aren’t in control” might feel counterintuitive, especially if your identity as a leader is tied to being in charge.

Reflecting on What You Gain From Control

Before attempting to shift your leadership style, it’s essential to ask yourself what you’re getting from maintaining control. Are you seeking a sense of importance, certainty, or validation? These factors can make it difficult to let go, even if you know it’s the right thing to do.

Consider the following questions:
- What am I getting from doing it myself—status, safety, satisfaction?
- What’s life actually like when I keep doing it—and when I don’t?
- What do others expect from me—and what might happen if I stopped?
- What feels risky about letting go?
- When I hesitate, what story am I telling myself about what will happen next?

These reflections can help uncover the underlying reasons why change is challenging and highlight the emotional and psychological barriers that need to be addressed.

Recognizing the Signs of Resistance

Change often brings resistance, both from within and from those around you. You might notice reflexes that pull you back into old habits, or others may resist the shift and try to restore the previous dynamic. Mixed signals between what you say and what you do can also create confusion.

Additionally, awkwardness before things feel natural is a common experience during transitions. As you begin to let go of control, the system around you will shift, which can be unsettling. It’s important to remain aware of these signs and understand that they are part of the process.

Building a Fire That Lasts

While the podcaster provided the spark, the real work begins when you take ownership of the change. Repatterning your leadership style involves reshaping the internal and external systems that have kept you in a certain pattern. This requires more than just intention—it demands consistent effort and reflection.

Some strategies to help make the change stick include:
- Name the pattern. Identify how you define leadership and whether it aligns with your goals.
- Envision something better. Think about how letting go of control could improve your leadership and relationships.
- Structure the shift. Create systems and routines that support your new approach, such as reminders, journaling, or working with a coach.
- Commit to it. Be clear about what you’re saying yes to and what you’re willing to let go of.
- Integrate the change. Assess how this shift impacts your overall leadership performance and quality of life.

Embracing the Journey

Change is rarely smooth or immediate. There will be days when progress feels slow, and moments when you feel like you’re backsliding. But the key is to keep going. The fire you’re trying to build requires fuel—your own reflection, clear intention, and actions that may feel uncomfortable at first.

Ultimately, the goal is to transform your leadership identity and create a sustainable approach that aligns with your values and vision. Leaders who are in demand don’t just follow trends—they cultivate their own fire, one that burns brightly through commitment, resilience, and continuous growth.

So, when the next inspiring soundbite comes along, ask yourself: How will you turn it into something lasting?