Ask Dating Coach Erika: How Long Should a First Date Be?

First Date Tips for Online Dating

As a dating coach, I often receive questions about the first date — from how long it should last to where to go and how to end it. This week, I’d like to share some key insights that can help you navigate your first meeting with someone you’ve connected with online.

One common question is about what to talk about during the first date. Jason, a 29-year-old from New York, shared that he’s been texting with a woman for a while but had conflicting schedules. Now they’re finally meeting up. He asked if it’s a good idea to bring up their experiences with dating apps like OkCupid or Hinge. My advice is to avoid diving into that topic right away unless it's part of a light-hearted conversation. Bringing up past dating experiences can sometimes lead to negativity, especially if the other person starts complaining about the apps or people they've met. Instead, focus on being yourself and keeping the conversation natural. Talk about your hobbies, interests, and things you enjoy doing. This helps determine if there are shared interests and whether you might want to take the relationship further.

In terms of timing, the first date should be casual — something like coffee or drinks. An hour is usually a good timeframe. If the conversation flows well and both of you are having a good time, you can extend it a bit longer, maybe even order some food. The goal is to keep it light and fun, not to make it too intense or overwhelming.

Should You Go on a Second Date?

Another question came from Gary, a 34-year-old from Arlington, Virginia. He asked whether it's worth spending time and money on a second date if the first one didn’t blow him away. My answer is that it depends on the situation. If you feel there's potential for a connection, even if it wasn’t immediately obvious, a second date could be worth it. However, if the first date was clearly unenjoyable due to specific issues — like rudeness, a lack of chemistry, or major differences in values — then it’s probably best to move on.

When it comes to budgeting, I recommend keeping the first date simple. Avoid overly creative or expensive ideas unless you're sure the person is a good fit. A drink or coffee for an hour is perfectly fine. Even for a second date, a casual dinner is more than enough. This way, you don’t spend too much time or money before getting to know each other better.

What to Do on a First Date?

Angela, a 62-year-old from Philadelphia, asked what she should suggest for a first date with someone she met online. I found it interesting that many online dating profiles mention “dinner” as the perfect first date. While dinner isn't necessarily a bad choice, I think it's better to start with something less intense, like coffee or a walk. That way, you have the flexibility to decide later if you want to continue with a meal.

The key is to keep the first date relaxed and open-ended. There's no need to plan everything in advance. Just leave the option open for dinner if the mood strikes. Starting with something low-pressure gives both people a chance to get comfortable without feeling rushed or overwhelmed.

Overall, the first date is all about creating a positive impression and seeing if there's a spark. Keep the conversation light, stay true to yourself, and enjoy the experience. Whether it leads to another date or not, it's a valuable opportunity to learn more about the other person and yourself.